Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
Sadie goes to see her rabbi; she complains about her very bad headaches. She whines, cries, and talks about her poor living conditions for hours.
All of a sudden, Sadie shouts, overjoyed, "Rabbi, your holy presence has cured me! My headache is gone!"
To which the rabbi replies, "No Sadie, it is not gone. I have it now."
My headache is gone!
Benny is almost (почти) 32 years old. All his friends are now married (все
Finally, his friend asks him (наконец, его друг спрашивает его), "What's the matter, Benny? (в чем дело, что происходит) Are you looking for the perfect woman? (ты ищешь совершенную женщину) Are you really that fussy? (ты действительно такой чудак, такой озабоченный; fussy — суетливый, нервный; вычурный, аляповатый; fuss — нервное, беспокойное состояние; суета) Surely you can find someone (наверняка ты можешь найти кого-нибудь) who suits you? (кто тебе подходит)"
"No I just can’t (как раз не могу)," Benny replies. "I meet many nice girls (я встречаю много милых девушек), but as soon as I bring them home (но, как только я привожу их домой) to meet my parents (познакомить: «встретиться» с моими родителями), my mother doesn't like them (моей матери они не нравятся). So I keep on looking! (так что, поэтому продолжаю искать)"
"Listen (послушай)," his friend suggests (предлагает), "why don't you find a girl who's just like your mother? (как твоя мать)"
Many weeks go by (проходят) and again Benny and his friend get together (встречаются: «сходятся вместе»).
"So, have you found the perfect girl yet? (ты уже нашел совершенную девушку /to find-found-found/) One that's just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders (пожимает плечами), "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start (маме она понравилась с самого начала) and they have become good friends (и они стали хорошими друзьями = подружились)."
"So, do I owe (должен /пожелать/) you a Mazel Tov? (счастья — идиш) Are you and this girl engaged? (вы помолвлены)"
"I'm afraid not (к сожалению нет: «боюсь, что нет»). My father can't stand her! (мой отец терпеть ее не может)"
Benny is almost 32 years old. All his friends are now married, but Benny just dates and dates.
Finally, his friend asks him, "What's the matter, Benny? Are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you really that fussy? Surely you can find someone who suits you?"
"No I just can’t," Benny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "why don't you find a girl who's just like your mother?"
Many weeks go by and again Benny and his friend get together.
"So, have you found the perfect girl? One that's just like your mother?"
Benny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes, I found one just like mum. Mum loved her right from the start and they have become good friends."
"So, do I owe you a Mazel Tov? Are you and this girl engaged yet?"
"I'm afraid not. My father can't stand her!"
What's the matter?
Are you really that fussy?
Surely you can find someone who suits you.
So I keep on looking.
They have become good friends.
I'm afraid not.
I can't stand him!
A guy goes into confession (один
The priest said: "Well, my son (сын мой), when was the last time you were in confession? (когда последний раз вы были на исповеди)"
"Never Father (никогда, отец), I'm Jewish (я еврей)."
"So then (ну тогда), why are you telling me? (зачем вы мне /это/ рассказываете)"
"I'm telling everybody (/а/ я всем: «каждому» рассказываю)."
A guy goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren, and last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them twice."
The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Never Father, I'm Jewish."
"So then, why are you telling me?"
"I'm telling everybody."