Changeling
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I nodded, unable to speak. God, I hated not being in his life like I had been. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it would be okay, but now I was the person who was causing part of the pain.
“It’s cold,” he said unnecessarily. “Why are we out here? Let’s go in.” He moved toward the door, but I held up my hand.
“No.” I said.
“Why?” His perfect brows arched over eyes as green as sea glass. All I wanted was for him to hold me and comfort me and tell me everything was going to be all right.
“Remember, I told you about my folks going on a cruise? They left today.”
“Where’s Mary K.?”
“Jaycee’s.”
His face took a speculative expression, and I braced myself.
“You’re saying you are alone in the house,” he said.
“Yes.”
“That cruise was for… eleven days?”
“Yes.” I sighed.
“So you’re alone in the house. All by yourself.”
“Yes.” I couldn’t look at him—his voice was softened, and the anger was gone. Oh, Goddess, he was so attractive to me. Everything in me responded to him.
“So let’s go in.” He sounded much calmer then when he had arrived.
I almost whimpered from wanting him. If he came in the house, if we were alone together, how could I keep my hands off him? How could I stop him from putting his hands on me? I wouldn’t want to. And what would that do? Making out wouldn’t change anything: not my heritage, not my fears, not the possibility that I was going to end up more Ciaran’s daughter than Maeve’s.
“No, that’s not a good idea.”
“Got some other guy in there, have you?” His tone was light, but I felt tension coming off him like heat.
“No,” I said, looking at my feet. “Look, I just don’t want to be alone with you, okay?”
“Then how about my house? We wouldn’t be alone there.” Hunter lived with his cousin, Sky Eventide.
I gave him my long-suffering look. “I don’t think so. We broke up, remember?”
“We should talk about that,” he said, frowning. “Speaking of bad idea’s.”
Tell me about it, I thought. I wanted to be with Hunter more than anything. But I knew—and I had to make myself remember—how terrible it would be to hurt him later. I shook my head to clear it, trying to get back to the subject at hand.
“We should talk about your trying to control the decisions I make.”
Hunter frowned as he seemed to remember why he had come. “I’m not trying to control your decision,” he said. “I’m trying to help you not make irresponsible ones.”
“You think I’m irresponsible?”
“You know I don’t. I think you made this decision without having all the facts. Like about exactly how dangerous Ciaran and Amyranth can be. How many deaths they’re responsible for. How much power and knowledge they have at their disposal. Pitted against you, a seventeen-year-old uninitiated witch who’s been studying Wicca for a grand total of three months.”
I knew all that, but hearing him state it so baldly made me cringe. “Yes, I know,” I said. “I still think I need to try.” I need to know if I’m good or bad, I added to myself. I need to know who my father is, what my heritage is. I need to know that I can choose good. If I don’t know these things, we can never be together.
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” he said, his voice sounding frayed. “It’s not your job to save the world.”
“I’m not trying to save the world,” I said. “Just my little part of it. I mean, today it’s Starlocket—and Alyce, remember? Tomorrow it’s us. Don’t you see that?”
Hunter looked around, thinking, deciding on another plan of approach. He was well acquainted with how stubborn I could be, and I could see him weighing his chances of getting through and changing my mind.
He pushed himself off the house and stood before me.
“Tell me the instant you hear from Killian,” he said.
I tried not to show my surprise. “Okay.”
“I don’t like this.”
“I know.”
“I hate this.”
“I know.”
“Right. So call me.”
“I will.” After he left, I went back inside, shivering with cold. I sat down in front of the fire and rested my head against the couch. I would have given a lot to have Hunter with me right then. I sighed, wondering if love was always this hard.
5. Connection
I am glad to hear your cough is better, Brother.
As I recounted, the siege (I can only call it thus) has continued against the abbey. Our poor milk cow has gone dry, our kitchen garden has withered, and the mice are keeping our one cat constantly at work. Our daily offices are ever more sparsely attended.
It is the villagers, the Wodebaynes. I know this, though I have not seen it. We are now obliged to buy milk and cheese from a neighboring farm. Various illnesses have beset us; we cannot shake colds, aches, fevers, etc. It is a desperate time, and I will resort to desperate measures.
—Brother Sinestus Tor, to Colin, may 1768
On Monday morning I saw my sister heading toward our school, followed by some of the Mary K. fan club. I waved at her.
“Mary K.!”
She trotted over, her shiny hair bouncing. I was glad to see her looking more like herself. She’d had a horrible autumn. Twice I stopped her boyfriend, Bakker Blackburn, from practically raping her. After the second time I told my parents, who lowered the boom on Mary K. I also told Bakker he’d regret being born if he ever looked at my sister again. I knew we weren’t supposed to use magick to harm, but I was absolutely ready to put some serious hurt on Bakker if he hurt Mary K.
But now Mary K. looked happy.
“Hey!” she said.
“Hi,” I said, rubbing my eyes. I’d gotten about three hours sleep total. All the little creaks and groans and windows shaking in the wind that I’d never noticed before had been magnified tremendously and made it impossible for me too sleep deeply. “Everything okay?”
“Yep! How about you?”
“Fine. Okay, um, yell if you need anything.”
“Sure—thanks.” She headed back to the gaggle of freshman friends who were waiting for her. Among them I was surprised to see Alisa Soto, who seemed to be a friend of Jaycee’s. Alisa was a sophomore who’d transferred to Widow’s Vale High around Christmas, but I had actually hardly seen her at school until today. I knew her because she was in my coven Kithic—the youngest member. She was one of the people recruited by Bree when Bree had formed a new coven to rival mine and Cal’s. When Cal was gone, our two covens had combined to form Kithic, and we were now led by Hunter and Sky.