Электронный жаргонарий
Шрифт:
:Create Garden.edn
#Done
:Move man to Garden.edn
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
:Insert man into woman
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire
#Done
:Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill
#Done
:Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good, evil
#Done
:Activate evil
#And God saw he had created shame. *
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.
:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
#Search failed.
:Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
:Break :Break :Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
:Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed
#COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 6 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Saturday, March 5. #Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.
To Igor Roshchin's homepage.
God as programmer
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through
all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen? A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.
Q: Does God know everything? A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes
on in the overnite job.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs? A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and
he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can
wait until tomorrow.
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days? A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy
bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend
had left him.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended? A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the
maintenance phase.
Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang? A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but
personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.
Q: Who is Satan? A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he
actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of
him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.
Q: What is the role of sinners? A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up
the system when God has made it idiot-proof.
Q: Where will I go after I die? A: Onto a DAT tape. [At least its not an 8mm tape.]
Q: Will I be reincarnated? A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching
those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,
God will just say that the tape has been lost.
Q: Am I unique and special in the universe? A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running
exact duplicates of you in the present release version.
Q: What is the purpose of the universe? A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then
the users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto
it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.
Q: If I pray to God, will he listen? A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get
off his back and let him program.
Q: What is the one true religion? A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick