Theater Plays
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The PROFESSOR and the GIRL dance.
GIRL. Which details interest you?
PROFESSOR. What, where, when.
GIRL. Sex, here, now.
PROFESSOR. With whom?
GIRL. With you.
The HUSBAND breaks in and starts dancing with the GIRL.
HUSBAND. What were you talking about?
GIRL. The professor was interested in the details of my offer.
HUSBAND. I’m interested in them too.
GIRL. I’m ready to reveal them. (She makes a provocative move.)
HUSBAND. Very impressive details.
GIRL. And the entire offer?
Now the PROFESSOR breaks in and dances with the GIRL. During the subsequent dialogue she passes from one partner to another.
PROFESSOR. Which of us is your offer addressed to?
GIRL. Both of you.
PROFESSOR. Together or one after the other?
GIRL. Do you really think I’m that depraved?
PROFESSOR. So, one after the other?
GIRL. So, together.
HUSBAND. You’re kidding!
GIRL. Not at all. To have sex with two people one after the other is deceit and infidelity. To do it together is honest, interesting and fun.
HUSBAND. I’ll have to think about that.
GIRL. Again? You’re thinking again? (Passing to the Professor.) And what about you?
PROFESSOR. As I understand, you propose a group dance.
GIRL. You think it’s better to do it alone?
HUSBAND. Together, you and me, just the two of us.
GIRL. Two, three, four together – what’s the difference? Just not to be alone, never be alone…
HUSBAND. But think about this: while one lady is being entertained by two men at once here, maybe another woman somewhere is left all alone.
GIRL. So call her here!
HUSBAND. (Perplexed.) Whom?
GIRL. The woman, so we can all be lonely together.
HUSBAND. I was speaking hypothetically; I didn’t mean anyone in particular.
GIRL. Never mind. Go and find her. Cherchez la femme!
The HUSBAND and the PROFESSOR exit. The WIFE enters.
WIFE. Let’s have sex.
GIRL. OK.
Pause.
WIFE. But who is there to do it with?
GIRL. Don’t you know?
WIFE. No.
GIRL. So why did you say, “Let’s have sex”?
WIFE. I thought you might know.
GIRL. If I knew, I wouldn’t be sitting here alone.
WIFE. Did you offer yourself to anybody?
GIRL. To everybody.
WIFE. And?
GIRL. No result.
WIFE. Maybe they were afraid you would ask for money?
GIRL. No, I explained I was ready to do it for free.
WIFE. And?
GIRL. Same result.
WIFE. Did you offer them money?
GIRL. No. Only myself.
WIFE. That was your mistake.
GIRL. I know.
WIFE. You should have offered to pay.
GIRL. I know. But I don’t have any money. That’s the problem.
WIFE. When you have money, you don’t have to look for men. They will look for you.
GIRL. Nobody looks for me.
WIFE. That’s too bad. We need to have a family, house, money, social status. And for all this we need a man.
GIRL. Where can we find a man like that?
WIFE. Such a man simply doesn’t exist. That’s why it’s better to have several of them.
GIRL. I know. But I don’t have money. I have only myself.
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