Two at the slap. A play for 2 people
Шрифт:
ALBERT (judiciously): Well, that's right, I left my own all there, on a paradise island.
ISOLDE (nervously): A brat. And he doesn't even hesitate to remember this in front of me, and even sing about it!
ALBERT (savoring): Oh… It was unforgettable(Isolde shoves him in the back)Aaaaemo. What are you pushing at? Yes, I'm not an angel, I admit. But you, you know, are also not one of the noble maidens!
ISOLDE (turning around): Why am I not one of the noble ones?
ALBERT (turns to his wife): Have I forgotten my trip to Turkey?
Isolde smiles significantly, turns back.
ALBERT (turning AROUND): Well, why did you hide your rosy face? I gave you exactly your own amount, now for your treatment. No, it turned out even more there. Have you tasted "Turkish sweets" in a foreign country?
ISOLDE (looking at her husband with displeasure): I remembered too. You better remember how I dragged you home from the neighbor upstairs!
ALBERT (turning around): You better remember how I pulled you out from under the neighbor from below!
ISOLDE (looking at her husband with displeasure): Is it okay that I was the girlfriend of this downstairs neighbor then?
ALBERT (turning around nervously): Is it okay that you were my girlfriend before and after the neighbor from below?
ISOLDE (looking at her husband with displeasure): The main thing is that I was not your girlfriend during the time when I was a girl with the neighbor from below!
ALBERT (turning around nervously): Sure. What is remarkable, I found out that you are not my girlfriend at the very moment when I pulled you out from under the neighbor from below!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously): So! Don't mess with my head. You and I had a fight the day before that incident and broke up, I want to note.
ALBERT (in a similar tone): I want to remind you that we had a fight then because I caught you with a neighbor on the side, while you were my girlfriend!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously): Yes, you misunderstood everything! I wasn't with him at all. I'm just with him… simply…
ALBERT (in a similar tone): He just helped you get a letter out of the mailbox!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously): Yes!
ALBERT (in a similar tone): While being in a surprisingly ridiculous position!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously): The box jammed, I couldn't open it, he tried to help!
ALBERT (in a similar tone): Face to face!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously):
ALBERT (in a similar tone): Lips to lips!
ISOLDE (loudly, nervously): Don't make it up! It was all just your imagination. We were in different planes, the dispersion of light, the refraction of solar fluxes and the displacement of perspective relative to the view from the landing of the stairwell… You just saw everything wrong and as a result-misunderstood!
ALBERT (sarcastically, nervously): Oooh, yes, I see the physics department did not pass in vain! After all, knowledge was useful in life!
Isolde exhales with relief.
ALBERT (sarcastically): So! The interference is mine, wave interference. Let's clear up the situation, at least for the next fifteen minutes. Are you my girlfriend now?
ISOLDE (slowing down): Yours! And the girl and the wife…
ALBERT (interrupts): Civil!
ISOLDE (slowing down): …civilian…
ALBERT (coming to a consensus): Well, there! While everything is fair between us, I suggest that we move our purely abstract and not tied to personalities dialogue to the bedroom, and continue there. And then, memories of Thailand came flooding back…
ISOLDE (romantically): And for me about Turkey… I approve this proposal. They crawled!
Music is playing.
Isolde crawls away first, followed by Albert crawling away in the same direction. The facial expressions of both are quite promising, everyone understands everything, the matter is "serious".
ZTM.
2 Сцена
There is already another slap lying on the stage, from the right foot, but also one. Albert and Isolde return from the shower, both cheerful and cheerful.
ALBERT (enthusiastically, shaking the water out of his ear with a towel): Yes, Zola, I haven't seen such a quickness from you for a long time. (Thinks, remembers) Two days already as!
ISOLDE (changes in mood): What do you mean? And these couple of days have you been feeling bad?
ALBERT (PREVARICATING): Yes, no, why, on the contrary…
ISOLDE (interrupts nervously): On the contrary? So you were feeling bad just now?
ALBERT (getting hot): Yes, why is it bad? Did I say that it was bad?
ISOLDE (interrupts nervously): Yes, that's exactly what you just said!
ALBERT (nervously): Yes, I mean, did you say?
ISOLDE (freaks out): Yes, it's clear in every sense that you insulted me as a woman!
ALBERT (furious): I praised you, you fool!
ISOLDE (freaks out): Go you…, with your such praises…, to the neighbor!
ALBERT (in a rage): And I'll go!
ISOLDE (in a rage): And go!
ALBERT (in a RAGE): And I'll go – I'll go!
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