Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

Франк Илья Михайлович

Finally (наконец), the second winkie said, "O.K., I'll try again (я попробую еще раз), but we're running out of arrows! (но у нас заканчивается запас стрел; to run out off… — исчерпать запас /чего-либо/)"

Two winkies went on a hunting trip. After it began to get dark, they thought it was about time to go home. They unfortunately got lost.

One winkie said to the other, "I read that if you get lost in the woods you should fire three shots in the air. It is supposed to be an "S.O.S."

So, the second winkie shot three times into the air. After waiting for a few hours, they repeated the signal. They tried it over and over, but nobody came to help them.

Finally, the second winkie said, "O.K., I'll try again, but we're running out of arrows!"

I tried it over and over.

O.K., I'll try again.

We're running out of arrows!

A boy was walking down the street with his Dad (мальчик

шел по улице со своим папой) and noticed a dog mounting another dog (и заметил собаку, забравшуюся на другую собаку). The boy asked his Dad (спросил своего папу), "Hey Dad, what are those two dogs doing? (что те две собаки делают)"

"Well son, the dog on top's front paws are sore (у собаки сверху передние лапы больные, болят), so the dog on the bottom is giving him a ride home (и собака внизу ведет, подвозит ее домой: «дает ей поездку»; to ride — скакать; ride — прогулка, поездка)."

The son thinks it over (обдумывает это), and then comes to the conclusion (и потом приходит к заключению),

"Geez Dad, isn't that just like the world today… (да, пап, разве мир сейчас не таков: «не подобно ли это миру сегодня») you help someone out (ты кому-то помогаешь), and you end up getting fucked (а кончается все тем, что тебя поимели: to get fucked — быть оттраханным)."

A boy was walking down the street with his Dad and noticed a dog mounting another dog. The boy asked his Dad, "Hey Dad, what are those two dogs doing?"

"Well son, the dog on top's front paws are sore, so the dog on the bottom is giving him a ride home."

The son thinks it over, and then comes to the conclusion,

"Geez Dad, isn't that just like the world today… you help someone out, and you end up getting fucked."

Can you give me a ride?

In front of a delicatessen (перед кулинарией), an art connoisseur (знаток искусства [kn's:]) noticed a mangy little kitten (заметил паршивого маленького котенка; mangy ['mendi]) lapping up milk from a saucer (лижущего молоко из блюдца). The saucer, he realized with a start (он понял «с толчком» = вздрогнув, у него даже дыхание захватило), was a rare (редкое) and precious piece of pottery (дорогое, ценное изделие из керамики; pottery — гончарные изделия; pot — горшок). He strolled into the store (он вошел в магазин; to stroll — прогуливаться, бродить) and offered (предложил) two dollars for the cat.

"It's not for sale (он не продается: «не для продажи»)," said the proprietor.

"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable (грязный

и непривлекательный; to desire - /сильно/ желать), but I'm eccentric (но я чудак: «эксцентричен»). I like cats that way (вот таких). I'll raise (подниму) my offer to ten dollars."

"It's a deal (договорились; deal — сделка, соглашение)," said the proprietor (владелец), and pocketed the money (и положил деньги в карман; pocket — карман).

"For that sum (сумма) I'm sure you won't mind (не будете против; to mind — помнить; возражать, быть против /в отрицательных и вопросительных предложениях/) throwing in the saucer (прибавить: «вбросить» и блюдце)," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it (похоже, котенок так счастлив = ему так нравится пить из него)."

"Nothing doing (не пойдет)," said the proprietor firmly (твердо). "That's my lucky (счастливое) saucer. From that saucer, so far this week (только на этой неделе; so far - до сих пор, до настоящего времени) I've sold (я продал /to sell-sold-sold/) 34 cats."

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat.

"It's not for sale," said the proprietor.

"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."

"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the money.

"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it."

"Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."

It's a deal.

Nothing doing.

My wife invited some people to dinner (моя жена пригласила несколько человек к ужину). At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said (за столом она повернулась к нашей шестилетней дочери и сказала), "Would you like to say the blessing? (хочешь произнести молитву: «благословение»; to bless — благословлять)"

"I wouldn't know what to say (я не знаю, что говорить)," she replied (ответила).

"Just say what you hear Mommy say (просто говори, то, что ты слышишь, что твоя мама говорит)," my wife said (сказала моя жена).

Our daughter bowed her head (склонила голову) and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner? (Боже ты мой: «дорогой Господь», во имя всего святого: «почему на земле», зачем я пригласила всех этих людей на ужин)"