The Original Sinners: The Red Years
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Nora raised her hands to her face. “Don’t bring that up. Please.”
“I offered to leave the priesthood for you and instead you left me.”
“You never wanted to leave,” Nora said, facing him angrily. “You just wanted to keep me any way you could. I couldn’t let you give up your life for me.”
Nora tried to pull away as Soren reached out for her hands. But his grip proved too strong. He moved her hands away from her face and looked at her.
“You are now and always my life.” His voice was so soft and true that she couldn’t even look back at him.
“You love being a priest. The priesthood is a sacrament. You can’t quit it. It’s who you are.”
“Yes, I love it. Yes, it’s who I am. And yes, I was willing to give it up so we could be together. But you couldn’t allow that.”
“I still won’t. And I won’t turn Wes into something he doesn’t want to be, either. You say it’s because I refuse to be indebted to anyone. I say it’s because I won’t let you two fuck up your lives for me.”
“And we have no say in this?”
Nora finally found the courage to meet his eyes. Even after five years, no, eighteen years, she still couldn’t look at his face without falling in love with him even more. Time sharpened the edge of her love for him. It cut into her more and more with each passing year.
“No,” she said. “You don’t. And neither does Wes. Whatever he wants to do or be, that’s his decision. I don’t own him. And you don’t own me.”
Soren rose to his full height. What charity had been in his eyes was now gone. He put his hand on the elevator key but did not turn it.
“I have seen both hell and purgatory. I assure you, purgatory is the more fearsome punishment.”
“I can be me and be with Wes, too. I don’t have to choose.”
“You will eventually. You will have to choose between this life or the one Wesley promises. You think because you’re a Switch in the bedroom, you can be a Switch in all aspects of your life. You will have to decide one day if you’re a professional writer, or just a professional who writes. And whatever you decide, you must tell Zachary who you really are. If you care about him at all, he must know.”
Nora growled. Soren was merciless tonight.
“I’m surprised you didn’t tell him. I know you were trying to scare him off.”
“Only testing his courage to see if he was worthy of you. He impressed me, but still he’s quite in love with his wife. I’ll allow him to hurt you, Eleanor, but if he dares harm you, I will not be happy with him.”
Nora repressed a shiver of fear. She’d seen Soren not happy with someone who’d hurt her before.
“I appreciate the chivalry. I think I can handle Zach on my own.”
Soren cupped the side of her face and forced her to meet his eyes.
“Marriage is a sacrament, too, Eleanor. If Zachary offers to finally leave his wife for you, will you run from him as you ran from me?”
“I told you—I didn’t run from you.”
“You can’t have him and Wesley. Neither of them will allow that.”
“I don’t have Wesley. The kid’s been with me for over a year and he’s still a virgin. Obviously I don’t have him.”
“You have him as much as I had you even when you were still a virgin. You believe he remains celibate because of his faith?”
“Of course he does.”
“Wesley is celibate now for the same reason I was celibate eighteen years ago.”
Nora scoffed. “What? Because he’s a priest?”
“No,” Soren said, leaning in to meet her eye to eye. “Because he’s waiting for you to grow up.”
Nora’s spine stiffened in fury. She took a deep breath and met Soren’s eyes. “You don’t own me anymore, Soren.” She said the words slowly, carefully, enunciating one syllable at a time. “Now,” she said, shoving her anger down, “is there anything else, sir?”
“No. There is nothing else. You’ve made up your mind about him. You won’t let him go. And you won’t turn him into one of us. And so you will let him turn you into the one thing you most fear becoming.”
“What? Happy?”
“Boring.”
Nora gasped and raised her hand to slap Soren’s perfect face. But she’d forgotten how fast he could strike. He grabbed her by the wrist before she could touch him. He pressed her flat back against the elevator. Pinning her right hand above her head while his free hand slipped through the slit in her skirt. Hard and fast he shoved two fingers deep inside her.
“Stop,” she ordered but he only pushed deeper. She panted and cursed him, hating him for how well he knew her body. His probing fingers found her most secret places and dragged her to the edge.
“You were a child when I fell in love with you,” Soren said into her ear. His warm breath on her neck sent shivers through her whole body. “You’re still a child.”
“I don’t want this,” she said, even as her body betrayed her. Her inner muscles clenched tight around his fingers, her body grew wetter and wetter with each deft movement of his hand.
“I have kept nothing from you. I gave you everything I am. I have risked my calling for you. I will not allow you to destroy yourself.”
“How am I destroying myself?” She gasped the words. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. “By loving someone else?”
“By denying yourself. You don’t love him. You only love that he loves you. This is what you love.” Soren turned his hand and slipped a third finger inside her. His thumb found her clitoris and rubbed it. “Giving yourself to me completely. Tell me this isn’t who you really are.”
“It isn’t,” she said even as she spread her legs wider and pushed her hips into his hand again and again.
“Liar.” Soren punctuated his word with a dexterous twist of his fingers, and Nora came hard on his hand, gasping with each sharp, spiking contraction. She leaned against him as the pleasure waned, and he stroked her hair. For a moment she let herself forget she didn’t belong to him anymore.
Nora stood up straight as Soren pulled his hand out of her. He took a black handkerchief out of his pocket and began casually wiping off his fingers.