Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
The upperclassman responded, "At Harvard we do not end sentences with prepositions."
The Georgian then replied, "Well then, could you tell me where the library is at, asshole?"
The youngest son (младший сын) of a great Indian chief (великого индейского вождя) went to his father and asked (пришел к отцу и спросил), "Oh father, how did you choose the names for your three children? (как ты выбрал имена для своих троих детей)"
The great chief replied, "My son, when your older brother was born (когда
The youngest son of a great Indian chief went to his father and asked, "Oh father, how did you choose the names for your three children?"
The great chief replied, "My son, when your older brother was born, the first sight I saw after the moment of his birth was a bear running through the woods; so I named him running-bear. The morning your sister was born, the first sight I saw was a beautiful star, so I named her morning-star. But why do you ask me such a question, two-dogs-fucking?"
But why do you ask me such a question?
A black family went to the zoo (семья чернокожих пришла в зоопарк) and stopped in front of the cage with the elephant (и остановились перед клеткой со слоном). The young son (маленький сын) asked his mother, "Mama, what's that thing hangin' off dat (= that) elephant? (мама, что это за вещь, которая болтается у того слона)"
"That's his tail, son (это его хвост, сынок)."
"No, mama, dat other thing! (это другая штука)"
"Oh, that's his trunk, son (о, это его хобот, сынок)."
"No, mama, dat other thing between his legs! (между его ногами)"
"Uh, that's nothin' (= nothing — о, это ничего)," replies the mother.
Undaunted (не смутившись; to daunt — укрощать, устрашать; undaunted — неустрашимый), the boy asks his father, "Daddy, daddy, what's dat thing hangin' off dat elephant?"
"That's his tail, son."
"No, daddy, dat other thing!"
"That's his trunk, son."
"No daddy, dat other thing between his legs!"
"Oh, that's his penis, son."
"Well, I asked mama and she said it was nothing! (а
"Son," replied the father, "I spoiled that woman! (я избаловал эту женщину)"
A black family went to the zoo and the cage with the elephant. The young son asked his mother, "Mama, what's that thing hangin' off dat elephant?"
"That's his tail, son."
"No, mama, dat other thing!"
"Oh, that's his trunk, son."
"No, mama, dat other thing between his legs!"
"Uh, that's nothin'," replies the mother.
Undaunted, the boy asks his father, "Daddy, daddy, what's dat thing hangin' off dat elephant?"
"That's his tail, son."
"No, daddy, dat other thing!"
"That's his trunk, son."
"No daddy, dat other thing between his legs!"
"Oh, that's his penis, son."
"Well, I asked mama and she said it was nothin'!"
"Son," replied the father, "I spoiled that woman!"
I spoiled that woman!
A woman wanted a divorce (женщина хотела развода). She went to the courthouse (она пришла в суд; court — двор /короля/; суд) and appeared before the judge (и предстала: «появилась» перед судьей).
The judge reviewed her petition and asked (судья просмотрел ее прошение и спросил), "Do you have grounds? (у вас есть основания)"
The woman looked at him quizzically (пытливо, с недоумением; to quiz — смотреть насмешливо или с любопытством /уст./) and said, "Grounds? Well, yes, your Honor (ваша Честь), we do have about an acre and a half (у нас что-то около полутора акров: «акр и половина» /слово «ground» имеет несколько значений, здесь: 1) основание, повод 2) земля/)."
"No," said the judge, "What I mean is, do you have a grudge? (я имею в виду, вы испытываете недовольство; to have a grudge against somebody — иметь «зуб» на кого-либо)"
The bewildered (сбитая с толку) woman replied, "No, we just have a carport (нет, у нас стоянка /слова grudge (недовольство) и garage (гараж) похожи по звучанию/)."
The judge was becoming frustrated (начал нервничать). "You're not getting the point (вы не понимаете смысла /вопроса/: «не получаете, не схватываете суть»)," he said. "Does he beat you up? (он с вами плохо обращается, бьет вас; to beat — бить; побеждать; to beat up — избивать, обходиться со зверской жестокостью)"