Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
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The woman replied, "Oh, no I'm up at 6:30 (я встаю, уже на ногах в 6.30) and he doesn't get up until 7:00 (а он не поднимается до семи)."
The judge was exasperated (был рассержен, выведен из себя). He looked at the woman and asked: "Look, lady, why are you here? (послушайте, леди, зачем вы здесь) What reason do you have for wanting a divorce? (какая причина у вас есть, чтобы желать развода)"
The woman replied, "Because my husband and I have a communication problem (потому
A woman wanted a divorce. She went to the courthouse and appeared before the judge.
The judge reviewed her petition and asked, "Do you have grounds?"
The woman looked at him quizzically and said, "Grounds? Well, yes, your Honor, we do have about an acre and a half."
"No," said the judge, "What I mean is, do you have a grudge?"
The bewildered woman replied, "No, we just have a carport."
The judge was becoming frustrated. "You're not getting the point," he said. "Does he beat you up?"
The woman replied, "Oh, no I'm up at 6:30 and he doesn't get up until 7:00."
The judge was exasperated. He looked at the woman and asked: "Look, lady, why are you here? What reason do you have for wanting a divorce?"
The woman replied, "Because my husband and I have a communication problem."
You're not getting the point.
My dentist told me (мой зубной врач сказал мне /to tell-told-told/) he had good news and bad news (что у него есть хорошая новость и плохая).
I said, "Give me the bad news first (давайте плохую новость первой). Maybe (может быть) the good news will cheer me up (меня утешит, ободрит; to cheer — привествовать громкими возгласами; ободрять)."
"Well, you need a root canal (вам нужен «корневой канал»)," he started, "and complete lower bridgework (полный нижний мост). It's going to cost about $3,000 (это будет стоить около 3000$)."
"Ouch!" I exclaimed (воскликнул). "What's the good news?"
"The good news," he beamed (улыбнулся; beam — луч; to beam — сиять; лучезарно улыбаться), "is that I shot a hole-in-one yesterday (что я загнал мяч в лунку вчера /hole-in-one — высший результат при игре в гольф/; hole — дырка /to shoot-shot-shot — стрелять; попадать/)."
My dentist told me he had good news and bad news.
I said, "Give me the bad news first. Maybe the good news will cheer me up."
"Well, you need a root canal," he started, "and complete lower bridgework. It's going to cost about $3,000."
"Ouch!" I exclaimed. "What's the good news?"
"The good news," he beamed, "is that I shot a hole-in-one yesterday."
Mildred came back (вернулась) from her annual check up (после
Mildred said, "The doctor told me (доктор сказал мне) that I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old (что у меня груди восемнадцатилетней)."
To which her husband responded (на что ее муж ответил), "What did he say about your forty-six-year-old ass? (а что он сказал о твоей сорокашестилетней заднице)"
Milly retorted (парировала), "He didn't say a word about you! (он не сказал ни слова о тебе)"
Mildred came back from her annual check up with her doctor in an unusually good mood, and her husband asked her what had made her day.
Mildred said, "The doctor told me that I have the breasts of an eighteen year old."
To which her husband responded, "What did he say about your forty-six year old ass?"
Milly retorted, "He didn't say a word about you!"
What has made your day?
The musician finally finished a new song (музыкант наконец закончил новую песню), but no one buys it (но никто не покупает ее). He was telling another musician about it (он рассказывал другому музыканту об этом), and the other guy said, "Let me hear it (дай мне ее послушать = сыграй-ка)".
The first guy went to the piano (подошел к фортепиано) and played a wonderful tune (и сыграл чудесную мелодию). When he finished (когда он закончил), the second (второй) guy said, "That's a wonderful tune! I don't see (я не понимаю: «не вижу») why no one buys it (почему ее никто не покупает). What do you call it? (как ты ее называешь = назвал)"
The first man says, "I love you so goddam much I gotta shit (я люблю тебя так чертовски сильно: «много», что могу: «мне нужно, хочется» обкакаться; gotta = got to)."
The musician finally finished a new song, but no one buys it. He was telling another musician about it, and the other guy said, "Let me hear it".
The first guy went to the piano and played a wonderful tune. When he finished, the second guy said, "That's a wonderful tune! I don't see why no one will buy it. What do you call it?"