Unspoken words
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‘It was a decent time ago since I’ve kissed last time, but better not to kiss for a long time than kiss like that. Actually he’s a good kisser. That’s so great we are leaving tomorrow this town and I will never see him again. However it was such adrenaline which you never get from roller-coasters, of course it’s better not to risk like this. But it is the lifetime experience and it is better not to regret.”
Chapter 6
“Dear Diary,
It is the beginning of a new studying year. After returning from Italy I was sure my life was going to change, I even shed some kilos, unfortunately, I was wrong. The first reason for it was my institute, I hated it with all my heart, I even flew into terrible tantrums about the whole thing and my depression was coming back, then our English teacher quitted his job and without him I see our course to be pointless. He is the greatest, only with him I managed to reach unbelievable results in a short span of time, I can’t imagine my life without him. As a consequence of my shattered psychic I have started wolfing more and more food, self-flagellation has come back, and I just hate myself for being alive. “
The first English lesson had to start through one hour, she was wondering what the new teacher would be, then she read the list of enrollment and to her gay, she didn’t see the surname she wished she would never have seen, there wasn’t Nowak.
“Yuppie!”,she exclaimed, “One year without her.”
Her joy wasn’t for long when sitting with her friends, she saw 2 girls came to them.
“Capitolina and Marisa, what the hell you are doing here, you are not supposed to be here. Ok, maybe she just came with Marisa. Grin and bear.”
“Hey, girls.” she managed the words out of her mouth.
“Hello Michaela.” exploded girls together.
“Oh you dyed your hair in blonde, I like it, that’s cool, awesome.” said Capitolina.
“Thank you.” she managed a response.
“I like that you told about my hair, thank you, but I’m sure you said that because you dyed your hair in the same colour, didn’t you. Fuck I’m so fat, that’s embarrassing, the thing I wished hadn’t happened. Fuck, okay, act in a normal way.”Her thoughts were always being around the subject of how fat I was.
“How are you? How was your summer?” she asked her.
“It was great, thank you for asking.” she mumbled.
“Actually her summer was perfect than any other, spending it in Italy”. replied a friend of mine.
‘Thank you, of course, but I could answer myself, I snapped in my mind, as it looked like she just tried to show me off.”
“Mine was good too, – Capitolina didn’t hesitate.
Then they went away.
“Thanks goodness they have gone. I can’t bear it. But it was nice chat though.”– she thought.
Lesson was about to start, Christine at last came.
“What a relief!” the thought slipped in her mind.
Girls hugged each other after a warm greeting..
“I’ve just seen Marisa and Capitolina smoking, I didn’t know they smoke”. said Christine.
“Me neither, but whatever that’s their life, they can do what they want”. Michaela really didn’t care about their lifestyles anymore.
When the lesson started everyone understood it was going to be a total failure, their new teacher was a woman of 70s who never shut her fucking mouth even for a second, repeating all the time one phrase “I see, I see.”
Everybody made fun of this. And one lesson Capitolina’s and Michaela’s eyes met, they burnt in laughing, pulling faces to each other in which they were trying to imitate their new teacher, and went on and on. And this turned upside down all Michaela’s life.
“After that I realized that Nowak wasn’t such a bitch as I thought. She lit my life with joy, positive energy on each lesson. I didn’t hesitate much and made a decision to write her about it and here all changed, we started chattering like mad, about everything.”
“Dear diary,
Today I’ve been talking to her, I can’t even imagine that she is absolutely a normal girl, sometimes I have to see people from other corner. She is so great. I can’t understand how it’s happened but now I even can’t imagine my life without her, the girl who I hated the most turned out to be a ray of sun I like this change in my life.”
I have even invited her and Marisa on my b-day. They accepted my invitation. I am over the moon, I am smiling as I have never smiled before. I feel how my life is improving thanks to her. This is incredible.
She is helping me to get over my binge eating disorder. I couldn’t manage to do anything but after her arrival in my life I took the new lease of life, feeling it again.
What a rocket of cheer kick up owas for Michielas when she finally added her in friends in social network.
There wasn’t a single day passed without writing something good about her. She has become an inspiration for her.
17.11.12
‘Dear diary,
Girls couldn’t make it for my b-day, because of Marisa’s problems, I can’t figure out which ones, but whatever. Then I saw Marisa’s post in twitter, there she explained ‘You are cool, but I don’t want to spend one vacant evening of mine, on you”. Yeah , I can be paranoiac, take things for granted, but I was sure it was addressed to me, ok, I had a conversation with her where she explained it wasn’t for me.
Well, I believed every single word they told me, however it was weird, to tell me about it at the eve of my b-day, I was very upset, frustrated, I had been waiting for this day so much, only because of them. This feeling of cognitive dissonance always was driving me crazy.
However I promised that I have to be cheerful, I managed to do it, but then we went to the cinema I saw Marisa and Capitolina, and here I almost burst in crying, actually I tried not to do it, for not looking weak as a kitten, but it was very painful, I trusted them and they ruined everything in a minute, what’s more, Marisa started to run away, Capitolina told her she didn’t have to do it but eventually they ran away together. Yeah, I thought we could be friends. I can’t find out why they have done such a thing to me, why they lied, the truth would be better than this, people always disappoint me. Why, what for, why always me? Maybe I have a curse? Moreover we went at the same movie in the cinema. It was difficult to concentrate on film, girls I was with that day helped as hard as they could. However when I returned home, I couldn’t stand any longer and exploded in deep cry. I’m not for this world, I have to die, I want to get out of here,I don’t know how survive I want to vanish forever, it is too hard to take. My consciousness can’t take it. I’m a na"ive, stupid fool, still believe that one day we can be friends. I’m mad for what they’ve done to me, but I still love them and don’t want to lose them. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I wanted to be perfect to them and exaggerated. Anyway I love them even the betrayed me, I think it is my fault. “ la feducia e` una cosa fragile, facile di rompere, semplice da perdere, molto difficele da recuperare.”
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