Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
Thereafter he removed all the legs but one, the flea jumped when ordered, so he wrote again: "Upon removing the next leg all flea organs function properly."
Then he removed the last leg. Told flea to jump, and nothing happened. He did not want to take a chance, so he repeated the experiment several times, and the legless flea never jumped. So he wrote the conclusion: "Upon removing the last leg the flea loses sense of hearing."
The Irish girl knelt (ирландская девушка стала на колени /to kneel-knelt-knelt/) in the confessional (на исповеди: «в исповедальне»; to confess — признавать/ся/; исповедовать/ся/) and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned (благословите
"What is it ("что это" = что ты сделала, что случилось), child? (дитя)"
The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity (я совершила грех тщеславия). Twice a day (дважды в день) I gaze at myself in the mirror (я разглядываю себя в зеркало; to gaze — пристально глядеть) and tell myself how beautiful I am (и говорю себе, как я прекрасна)."
The priest turned (священник повернулся), took a good look (внимательно посмотрел: "взял хороший взгляд" /to take-took-taken/) at the girl, and said, "My dear (моя дорогая), I have good news (у меня хорошие новости). That isn't a sin — it's only a mistake (это не грех — это только ошибка)."
The Irish girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"What is it, child?"
The girl said, "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am."
The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin — it's only a mistake."
What is it?
An aged farmer and his wife (фермер в возрасте и его жена) were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen (стояли, прислонившись к краю их свинарника; pen — небольшой загон для скота) when the old woman wistfully recalled (когда старая женщина грустно = с грустью вспомнила) that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary (что на следующей неделе будет золотая годовщина их свадьбы; to mark — выделять, отмечать).
"Let's have a party, Homer (давай устроим вечеринку, Гомер)," she suggested (она предложила). "Let's kill a pig (давай убьем = зарежем свинью)."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head (поскреб свою седую голову). "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered ("Но Этель", он наконец ответил), "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago (я не понимаю, почему свинья должна расплачиваться: "взять вину” за то, что случилось 50 лет назад)."
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Let's have a party.
A man is driving down a country road (человек едет по проселочной дороге), when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass (когда
The man gets out of the car (выходит из машины), walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him (проходит весь путь к фермеру = доходит до фермера, подходит прямо к фермеру и спрашивает его), "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing? (простите, мистер, но что вы делаете)"
The farmer replies (отвечает), "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize (я пытаюсь получить Нобелевскую премию; to win — выиграть)."
"How? (как)" asks the man, puzzled (озадаченный).
"Well, I heard they give (ну, я слышал /to hear-heard-heard/, что дают) the Nobel Prize … to people who are out standing in their field (игра слов: out standing — стоящий "снаружи", "на улице" и outstanding — выдающийся; field: 1) поле, 2) область /знаний, деятельности и т.д./)".
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.
The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"
The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."
"How?" asks the man, puzzled.
"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation (техасский фермер едет в Австралию в отпуск). There he meets an Aussie farmer (там он встречает австралийского фермера) and gets talking (и начинает разговаривать). The Aussie shows off (показывает, хвастается) his big wheat field (своим большим пшеничным полем) and the Texan says (говорит), "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large (у нас пшеничные поля, по крайней мере, вдвое больше)."
Then they walk around the ranch a little (потом они немного проходят по ферме) and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle (свое стадо скота). The Texan immediately (тут же) says, "We have longhorns (- порода коров, первоначально разводившаяся в Англии, теперь преимущественно в США, в юго-западных штатах: long — длинный + horn — рог) that are at least twice as large as your cows (по крайней мере, вдвое больше твоих коров)."
The conversation (беседа) has, meanwhile (к тому времени), almost died (почти угасла) when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos (стадо кенгуру) hopping through the field (прыгающих через поле). He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look (с недоверчивым взглядом; incredulous [n'kredjuls]), "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas? (Разве у вас в Техасе нет кузнечиков)"