Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения
Шрифт:
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large.
A bus load of politicians (автобус,
Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate (видя, что случилось, старый фермер подошел "исследовать" /to go-went-gone/). He then proceeded (затем он принялся; proceed [pr'si:d]) to dig a hole and bury the politicians (рыть яму и хоронить политиков).
A few days later (несколько дней спустя), the local sheriff (местный шериф) came out (появился, выехал на место происшествия), saw the crashed bus (увидел врезавшийся автобус /to see-saw-seen/), and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead? (они все были мертвы)"
The old farmer replied (ответил), "Well, some of them said they weren't (ну, некоторые из них сказали, что нет = что не были), but you know (но вы знаете) how them politicians lie (как врут эти политики)."
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
But you know how them politicians lie.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday (дедушка отмечал свой 100-й день рождения) and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared (и каждый делал ему комплименты по поводу того, каким спортивным и хорошо сохранившимся он предстал; to appear — появляться, оказываться).
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success (господа, я скажу вам секрет моего успеха)," he cackled (прокудахтал). "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now (я
The celebrants (собравшиеся гости: «празднующие») were impressed (были впечатлены) and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime (как он сумел сохранить такой строгий режим занятий зарядкой, спортом; fitness — пригодность; хорошая форма).
"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago (видите ли, моя жена и я поженились 75 лет назад). On our wedding night (в нашу брачную ночь), we made a solemn pledge (мы дали торжественное обещание; pledge — обет, обещание). Whenever we had a fight (когда бы мы ни поссорились; fight — бой; спор, ссора), the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk (тот, кто окажется: «будет доказан» неправым, выходит из дому прогуляться)."
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.
"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."
I’ll take a walk.
It was three o'clock in the morning (было три часа утра), and the receptionist (дежурная, портье) at a posh hotel (в шикарном отеле) was just dozing off (дремала, засыпала), when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming (когда маленькая старушка подбежала к ней, крича). "Please come quickly! (пожалуйста, идите быстрее)" she yelled (она вопила), "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!! (я только что видела голого мужчину за своим окном /to see-saw-seen/)"
The receptionist immediately (немедленно) rushed up (помчалась наверх) to the old lady's room (в комнату старой леди).
"Where is he? (где он)" asked the receptionist.
"He's over there (он вон там)," replied (ответила) the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel (показывая на жилой дом напротив отеля). The receptionist looked over (поглядела туда) and could see a man with no shirt on (и "смогла увидеть" мужчину без рубашки), moving around his apartment (передвигающегося по своей квартире).