Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

Франк Илья Михайлович

"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place."

"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

Something is missing.

A blonde was walking along a river (блондинка шла вдоль реки) when she noticed (когда она заметила) another (другую) blonde on the opposite bank (на противоположном берегу).

She yells (она

кричит), " How do I get to the other side of the river? (как мне попасть на другую сторону реки)"

The second (вторая) blonde replies (отвечает), "You are on the other side… (ты на другой стороне)"

A blonde was walking along a river when she noticed another blonde on the opposite bank.

She yells, "How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The second blonde replies, "You are on the other side…"

How do I get to the other side of the river?

Two women were in a hair salon (две женщины были в парикмахерской) talking about their home lives (разговаривая о своих домашних "жизнях") when the subject of flighty husbands came up (когда возникла тема ветреных мужей).

"It's unbelievable (это невероятно)," one woman said. "I can never figure out where he goes at night (я никогда не могу разгадать, куда он ходит ночью, вечером)."

"I know exactly what you mean (я в точности знаю, что ты имеешь в виду)," said the other woman. "One second he's in the house (в одно мгновенье он дома), and the next he's gone without a trace (а в следующее он исчез без следа)."

"Well," says a woman eavesdropping nearby (подслушивающая рядом). "I always know where my husband is (я всегда знаю, где мой муж)."

"How do you manage that? (как вам это удается)" the other two women ask (спрашивают).

"Easy (легко)," she replies (отвечает). "I'm a widow (я вдова)."

Two women were in a hair salon talking about their home lives when the subject of flighty husbands came up.

"It's unbelievable," one woman said. "I can never figure out where he goes at night."

"I know exactly what you mean," said the other woman. "One second he's in the house, and the next he's gone without a trace."

"Well," says a woman eavesdropping nearby. "I always know where my husband is."

"How do you manage that?" the other two women ask.

"Easy," she replies. "I'm a widow."

It's unbelievable!

I know exactly what you mean.

How do you manage that?

When I was a youngster (когда

я был юнцом)," complained the frustrated father (жаловался расстроенный отец), "I was disciplined (я был наказываем; disciplin ['dspln]) by being sent to my room without supper ("отсыланием", тем, что меня отсылали в мою комнату без ужина /to send-sent-sent/). But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player (но у моего сына есть его собственный цветной телевизор, телефон, компьютер, и СD плеер)."

"So what do you do? (и что же ты делаешь)" asked his friend (спросил его друг).

"I send him to MY room! (я посылаю его в мою комнату)"

When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player."

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!"

So what do you do?

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant (посетитель надоедал официанту в ресторане). First (во-первых), he asked that the air conditioning be turned up (он попросил увеличить работу кондиционера; to turn — поворачивать) because he was too hot (потому что ему было слишком жарко), then he asked it be turned down (уменьшить) ‘cause he was too cold (слишком холодно), and so on for about half an hour (и так /продолжалось/ около получаса).

Surprisingly (неожиданно; вопреки ожиданиям; to surprise — поражать, удивлять), the waiter was very patient (официант был очень терпеливым; patient ['pent]), he walked back and forth (он ходил взад-вперед) and never once got angry (и ни разу не разозлился: "не стал сердитым"). So finally (в конце концов), a second customer asked him (другой: "второй" посетитель спросил его) why he didn't throw out the pest (почему он не выгонит: «не выбросит» этого зануду; pest — мор, чума; бич, язва).

"Oh, I really don't care or mind (о, я совершенно не беспокоюсь и не забочусь)," said the waiter with a smile (с улыбкой). "We don't even have an air conditioner (у нас вообще: "даже" нет кондиционера)."

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down ‘cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.